Change is constant.

I'm on a quest to let go of a structure that is no longer serving me. I still cling to it in fear. I tell myself that its okay, my quest is to make myself truly happy.

The vibrating of the push pull of this battle is a lot of energy. It is tiring. But there is no way out of the fire but through.

So with hands as firm and steady as I can keep them, I try to calm and make peace with myself.

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Its about time that I take this down. I wrote it before getting on meds. While the sentiment is still somewhat true, I'm no longer so angsty about it. I'll write a new one some day when I'm not quite so tired.

I decided to make a real bio again, so I'm sticking the old one here for reference ;)

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Some books which I've found valuable for making my relations with those around me more pleasurable and productive, and for helping make myself a happier person:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A simple book which details Gottman's conclusions based on the results of his studies of over 700 couples. The focus is on consistent patterns of behavior of each of the sexes, both physiological and psychological, ways in which these behaviors often interact, and ways of maximizing relationship happiness for both parties. Gottman found his predictions based on this material, of whether or not a married couple would still be as such in several years, to be 91% accurate thus far.

You Just Don't Understand: Tannen provides a wonderful exploration of sex differences stemming from basic values and preferences. She identifies the differing thought processes and patterns of behavior and offers ways for optimizing interaction and communication upon understanding these differences. I find Tannen's approach to be very different, but complimentary to Gottman's.

I personally identify more with her style and greatly enjoyed her many powerful insights. However, her writing is complex and not nearly as well distilled as Gottman's. She communicates by anecdote, and a few of her anecdotes focus on a slightly dated mainstream American subculture, so for those not of that subculture it takes a little benefit of the doubt (thinking that there might be something valuable in what she's saying and that its worth pursuing) and imagination (putting yourself into the shoes of the people in the scenarios she describes rather than comparing everything to one's own life) to figure out the relevant underlying principles. My boyfriend also found her book quite valuable and we now refer to his morning computer ritual as his newspaper :)

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk: An exploration which I think applies to people of all ages, of how people like to be treated, and how treating them in such manners helps make them happier people, causes them to be more productive, and improves your relationship with them. It applies most to close relationships, but also has a lot of implications for everyday interactions. The style consists of anecdotes which the authors feel represent their observations from being in and instructing many classes.

Flow: An exploration of what happiness is, expectations people tend to have about happiness, both true and false, and ways to maximize one's own happiness.

Emotional Intelligence: An exploration of emotions and the human mind. Goleman demonstrates how emotions are primary to rational thought and explores many aspects of how emotions work, how they lead people astray, and how we ended up how we are, and how to manage various aspects. Goleman's is an underlying philosophy that has contributed to my appreciation of the first several books I've recommended.

Please Understand Me II: I've heard that there are better Keirsy/Myers-Briggs type books on the market, but this is the one I've read and I found it useful. It explores a few low level personality traits and how they combine for some basic personality types. I've found the Keirsy/Myer-Briggs typing to be useful in understanding certain foundational ways in which my style, interests, and value systems, are different than most people's, very similar to some people's, and understanding some differing values and motivational systems of people unlike myself, and how to appreciate them and optimally interact with them. (I've consistently tested INTP for the last couple of years)


Hidden Order: The basics of micro and macro economics from an amusing perspective. A very difficult read for those who are not already familiar with the material, but the best attempt I've seen at putting a years worth of course material into a small book. Economics is a study of how and why the world functions, which I wish everyone knew about ;)

The Selfish Gene: A nice summary of Darwin's theory of evolution, and further explorations of how and why we've evolved as we have. Very similar in theory to economics, I think its an easier read than Hidden Order, but still takes a lot of thought to grasp for those unfamiliar.